DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife admitted she’d had sex in our bed with a man from her work.
I knew things between us weren’t that great but I never dreamed she had been cheating on me so blatantly.
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We’re in our thirties and have two boys aged seven and nine.
She had been nagging me over not pulling my weight in the house, especially as I was working from home.
I was fed up and told her she ought to be making more effort to look more attractive to me.
Perhaps that was wrong, in a way, but it’s how I felt at the time
We had a big row and she said that she needed some time on her own and told me to stay with my mum or a mate.
I could see she was scarily angry with me so I could hardly stay in the house rowing in front of the kids. I packed a bag and moved back with my mum.
HAVING different sex drives is a very common problem for couples.
Sometimes it is a biological difference but it can also mask issues such as one partner using porn.
My e-leaflet on Different Sex Drives offers self-help ideas. Email or private message me for a copy.
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All told, I stayed there for a fortnight. I sent her a text every day asking how she was feeling and when she would be wanting me home. She texted last night and told me she wanted to talk.
That sounded hopeful to me and I bought her some flowers.
But she chucked them back in my face.
Then she said she was fed up of living with me and had got close to a colleague of hers. He’s our age and single.
She said that he made her feel she had something to give and that she was not just a skivvy and a mum. He had been round at our home while I stayed at my mum’s and they had even had sex in our bed. I am totally broken. She says she’s got feelings for him and doesn’t love me any more.
I want us to put this behind us and work on our marriage to make it as good as it was at the start. But I don’t think she’s listening to me.
DEIDRE SAYS: Maybe it is time you listened to her. It sounds as though this has been brewing for a while.
I reckon it will take more than a bunch of flowers to turn this around.
Holding down a job and being a mum means the work never stops.
Have you done your share of the work in the home or is her anger fair?
Or have you been closing your eyes to the constant demands that having two children must bring?
How much home-schooling did you take on?
I can imagine your comments about making more effort to look good for you may have been the last straw.
Tell her you are listening now and you’re ready to change.
I hope, for the sake of your boys, that she will give you a chance to show that life going forward can really be different and better with you.
My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? can help.
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